I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
