I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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