i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
