there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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