ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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