im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i've created a new STD.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
