I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
