Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
