I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
