He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
