Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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