I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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