Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
