I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
