he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
