a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
