Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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