I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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