Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
