Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
