Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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