Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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