I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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