and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
