the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
