dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
