My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
