a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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