I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
