Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
