Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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