Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
