I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
