If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
