I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
