You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
