Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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