she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
