you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
