I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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