Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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