If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
