conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
