he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
