i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
