Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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