oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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