and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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