if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
