Just fell off a train. Bad.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
