Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
