The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
