Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
